Talking to Your Wife About Guns & Conceal Carry Permits
Jessie Kay
Fri September 11th, 2009
You're getting a gun or a conceal carry permit and your wife or girlfriend is angry. She doesn't like guns. She is apprehensive about having a loaded handgun in the house and doesn't like the thought of you getting your concealed weapons permit. Well, I was that way once too. I didn't grow up with guns in the house. No one in my family hunted wild game. I wouldn't say that I was anti-gun or pro-gun; I just never gave guns a second thought. I assumed guns were bad. I assumed that the only people who had guns were hunters, police officers, and criminals. The thought of Joe Schmoe concealing a gun under his shirt while walking around the mall was incomprehensible. What would he need a gun for unless he was out looking for trouble? This isn't the Wild West - a trip to Macy's isn't going to end in a shootout. It's a mall, not a battlefield! Then I met my husband. I knew he was an avid hunter before I even started dating him, so I knew there would be guns in his home. The shotguns didn't bother me much, since they were for a hobby. But when I found out he had a concealed weapons permit and he stored a handgun in a safe under the bed, I almost flipped! I didn't understand - what did he need a gun for? Why does he have a permit to carry a gun around? I did not like this at all.
But eventually, I came around.
Here are some tips, from a female former gun-hater, to help your wife or girlfriend understand & be comfortable with gun ownership and/or why you'd want a concealed carry permit.
Tip #1 - Go slow & don't be pushy: She's upset you got a conceal carry permit and now you're sleeping on the couch. The best thing to do is to not push the issue. She's an adult and you both have a right to your own opinions. Talk about guns and conceal carry with her but don't resort to incessant pleading and nagging if she is refusing to listen. This will only have a negative effect (no one likes to be told what to do!). If she does come around, she'll have to do so on her own terms. Take it slow (no daily gun discussions!) - no one likes to be told what to believe! She isn't going to change her beliefs overnight -- your decision to get a conceal carry permit didn't happen on a whim and likewise, she isn't going to robotically become pro-gun in a few hours.
Tip #2 - Explain your reasons: Getting a concealed weapons permit is a big decision and I'm sure you've thought it over carefully. Explain to her why you want to carry a gun. Perhaps it's because you want a gun for family protection? Has your neighborhood had a series of break-ins? You want to carry it for self protection -- crime doesn't make an appointment! Even if you're just expressing your right to bear arms, give detailed examples or she might think you're just out looking for trouble.
Tip #3 - Don't get angry: It's inevitable - after you explain your reasons why you want to carry a gun, your girlfriend or wife going to retort. She might say stuff like, "You're paranoid!" "You never were like this before!" "You must be hanging out with that dirtbag Rob again!" "It's just another one of your phases." Her responses might make you angry. You might not agree with her anti-gun beliefs, but please respect them. Change of any kind is tough and you cannot force her into your choice. Let her express her opinions on firearms and she just might come around with time.
Tip #4 - Don't get a conceal carry permit without telling her: The worst thing you can do is to go behind your wife's back and get a conceal carry permit. You won't be sleeping on the couch - you'll be packing up and staying with a buddy for a few weeks. If you get a conceal carry permit behind her back and start carrying a gun everywhere, your wife will feel deceived and outraged when she finds out (which she will. Trust me). Yes, you're an adult and don't need permission from your wife to get a conceal carry permit and carry a gun, but as your companion, she deserves to know.
Tip #5 - Direct her to the Cornered Cat website: Cornered Cat is a firearms site directed at women. Written by a woman for women, Cornered Cat is the best online resource for women and firearms. http://www.corneredcat.com
Tip #6 - Discuss local news: Point out situations where the story would've turned out differently, had the victim been carrying a gun.Make sure not to harp on the issue, as she could tire from this quickly. Use this tip with caution, as this can come off as lecturing. A gentle approach is key.
Tip # 7 - Take her to the gun range: One of the best ways to get her familiar with firearms is to take her to the range. By handling firearms herself, she will get a firsthand look at gun operation. Before I handled a gun, I thought a gun could go off on its own, shooting up the whole room. After learning how a gun works, I was less fearful of them - and I even discovered I liked shooting! Don't harp on the self-defensive topic. Just have fun shooting targets and perhaps she'll come home from the gun range with a new hobby.
These tips hopefully will help you approach a nervous spouse about conceal carry and gun ownership. Even if her gun ownership views don't align with your own, always respect her opinions and realize that she may never come around.
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